“Four-Wheel Sure Brake, the first computer-operated, four-wheel anti-skid braking system to be offered on an American car, is a special optional feature of the 1971 Imperial.
The new braking system uses space age computer technology to assure firm and steady stops, even on glare ice.”
That was part of the official press release that went out on August 27, 1970, describing Chrysler’s use of small, toothed gears attached to each wheel and electromagnetic fields to create a rudimentary electromechanical ABS system. Despite the fact that its press release touted incredible feats no ABS system since has been able to match, it flopped.
And so continued the march of mediocre automotive technology tried on consumers, ever since horseless carriage owners affixed a dummy horse head to the front of their vehicles to fool passing ponies.
What about the Highway Hi-Fi, an optional extra fitted to Chrysler, Dodge, and Plymouth vehicles for 1956? It played 7-inch microgroove records that gave up to an hour of music on each side, offering radio-free in-car entertainment. It too, flopped. So did the Imperial’s optional trunk-mounted tape recorder.
If you’re lamenting the inability to affix snow chains to your car, try and locate a very-rare 1969 Chevrolet with factory installed Liquid Tire Chain dispensers mounted above the rear wheels. Vacuum-operated, they would spray de-icing liquid onto the rear tire treads with enough fluid to escape from “four or five” snow banks. Their words, not ours. Chevrolet quickly canceled the option.
Something they didn’t cancel was their first attempt at cylinder deactivation, introduced in 1981 — the V8-6-4, or L62. Its rudimentary engine control computer wasn’t up to the task of managing the number of cylinders in operation, which led to distinct hesitations when cylinders were being shut down. Most dealers disabled the system. As with ABS, cylinder deactivation is now a viable technology. Try telling that to a Cadillac mechanic in 1981.
For going very quickly, you could order a turbine-driven engine from Turbonique. The company developed a range of microturbine engines in the ‘60s, which consisted of a circular chamber, rocket-type burner that would thrust burned gasses into a turbine, and a reduction gear to create more useable power. Simply attach the axle to a vehicle, fill the propellant tanks with Thermolene, and hit a switch. The company demonstrator — a black Volkswagen Beetle — clicked off a 9.68 quarter-mile at 168 mph. In 1966.
According to a company ad, the car was last seen airborne at 183 mph, 200 feet short of the quarter-mile traps at the Tampa dragstrip.
Less a bad idea then bad timing, Audi debuted its procon-ten system in 1986. It consisted of a series of cables that ran behind the engine which tightened upon impact and would not only tension the safety belts, but would also pull the steering wheel clear of the driver. The system worked as intended, but was dropped in favour of airbags in the mid-1990s. You can even catch an old procon-ten ad on YouTube — featuring a matchbox with four rings on the front. Unfortunately, the insurance industry wasn’t too happy about replacing the components after a minor impact.
Buick buyers in the mid-‘80s could walk into a dealership and plop themselves behind the wheel of a Reatta, hand-crafted by Michigan artisans. It featured, along with the Riviera, a touchscreen CRT display that could control climate, audio and other vehicle functions. And to think, that was over 20 years before the iPhone…with predictable results. Touch screens are currently available in select vehicles from several manufacturers, and Volkswagen announced last year it would try to add touch screens to all models by 2009. Hopefully the kinks are worked out.
In Europe, British Leyland (Austin, MG and Rover for the young ones) equipped its state-of-the-art Montego and Maestro modes in 1984 with a voice synthesizer system in its dash, programmed to 15 different languages. Voiced by Nicolette McKenzie, the 32-word system operated through the driver-side speaker. By the end of 1984, the car returned to analogue gauges mostly because the best way to defeat the system was to drive into a tree.
One last technology that’s been banished from the automobile is Audi’s so-called “U.F.O.” brakes, which featured inboard calipers. You can find these gems on 100, ur-S4 and V8 quattro models that haven’t been retrofitted.
The real problem was a lack of heat dissipation, which would lend the car a pronounced shimmy after only a few thousand kilometers of light use. Audi owned up and would replace the system — which would also require front suspension components to be replaced. Talk about brain fade.
To close, don’t be too slighted if you find yourself in a service department being told your headlight fluid and brushes need to be replaced. Then you’d own a ‘71 Imperial with the electric-powered headlight washer system.